Why social media makes us feel like sh*t sometimes….and 3 things you can do about it
The psychologist Carl Rogers referred to our self-image as a reflection of who we perceive ourselves to be, and our ideal-self as who we aspire to be. We feel a sense of worth and accomplishment when we sense that these two identities are aligned.
But here’s the thing. We are currently inundated with images all around us of examples of our ideal selves. Many of us, at this point, have probably watched the Netflix documentary called The Social Dilemma (and if not, I highly recommend it). As a digital strategist by day and creative content producer at all other times, I’m both aware of the harmful and addictive nature of social media while also realizing that it can open us — especially creators — to so many opportunities when used a certain way.
Sharing your work on social media can be extremely vulnerable. Sometimes, in order to stand out in a saturated world of influencers and creators, you need to have personality — not just great content. Sharing your art while consuming work by others who are either more experienced, better equipped, or just purely talented can be, for lack of better words, a mindf*ck.
So listen, if you love what you create, if you’re striving to learn and grow and get better — then this post is for you. Because even the most resilient minds can fall prey to the comparison game, overanalyze their feeds, read into the unfollows or the trolls. And that’s okay, we’re human. But below are three things that have worked for me when I stray from a healthy social media mindset.
Read on and harness the absolute best that platforms like Instagram and TikTok have to offer!
Stop Scrolling Aimlessly
Do you ever feel listless or bored, maybe after work or first thing in the morning, so you pick up your phone to check social media…
Suddenly, you are in a spiral watching TikTok videos of picturesque moments from someone’s travel vlog. One video after another, you are fed the same perfect image — hiking in the Italian Alps, coffee and croissants in Paris, camping in Alaska. Different people, different settings, all absolutely magnificent, each one accruing thousands of views or engagements. Initially, you are impressed and drawn, but suddenly you find yourself thinking, wow. If only I looked like that, or had the money and time to travel. Maybe I need a better camera. Then I could go on a picturesque picnic in French countryside with 5 of my closest and most photogenic girlfriends. Then I’d go viral and get all of this attention. If only, if only.
Before you realize it, time passes. Like, a lot of time. Time that you could have spent planning your own trip, building and reinforcing your own friendships, creating a content strategy for your platform, and thinking of ways to improve and be a part of this community instead of mindlessly scrolling through highlight reel after highlight reel. In the end, how do you feel? Inspired by this content or defeated?
This is mindless scrolling. This is consumption without any sort of purpose or goal.
I find that it’s all about intention, and setting goals and limits for yourself can establish boundaries that allow you to get what you need out of social media without wasting precious moments that you could spend doing what you love. For example:
Let me hop on the ‘gram for 20 minutes while I have breakfast to answer comments/DMs.
I’m going to check out TikTok for 10 minutes to see if there are any new trends and get ideas for my next video.
Some of my Instagram friends are doing an IG Live/posted a new Reel that they worked hard on/are having a giveaway, I’ll log on for 15 minutes to comment some love and show my support.
It is inevitable that you’ll bump into other content on your short but intentional journey, but you won’t feel like sh*t because you came there with a purpose and avoided falling down the rabbit hole.
Unfollow
This one may be a little controversial but hey, it worked for me and this is my space to say whatever the heck I want so here goes!
If an account that you follow doesn’t — as they say — “spark joy,” unfollow them. Mute them. Whatever you choose to do, just stop them from popping up on your feed. Sometimes, it might not make sense. I had to unfollow an absolutely gorgeous account that featured various female influencers traveling to beautiful destinations. The style, the editing, the scenery was absolutely impeccable. I started following tons of accounts like this because I thought they would inspire my photography during future travels. Then, a little something called COVID-19 happened. And then, my fiancé and travel buddy went back to school full time. Many of my friends started families and had wholly new responsibilities and priorities. So, travel became impossible. Seeing picture-perfect women exploring picture-perfect locales with picture-perfect friends became a reminder of a completely unattainable ideal-self.
So I was like, nah. I’m unfollowing all of these.
Now, I open up IG and I genuinely love and connect with the content that I see. Because what I see is:
Friends and family who l actually talk to and give a sh*t about,
Creators who I know personally or who I’ve chatted with that give me a mutual sense of community and support,
Colorado-based photography or travel curation accounts that give me ideas of places to explore,
And last but not least, influencers that genuinely inspire me. This is a tricky one, because depending on my mood, a photography influencer may push me down a comparison sh*t spiral. But the ones that I stick with at the end of the day are creators who also share my values and speak up about them, who show a personal side to their feed, who share tutorials or tips, and who seem human and down-to-earth despite their large following or talent. Some examples include @iz.harris, @petermckinnon, @eyeofshe, @charlysavely, @seankitching and certainly many others.
The thing is, there are 1 billion active users on Instagram. Out of these, 500,000 are considered influencers. Being followed and unfollowed is the natural ebb and flow of social media. So, curate a feed for yourself that makes you feel inspired, not make you feel like sh*t.
Take a Break
The majority of my time over the weekend is spent offline. Chores, errands, taking Nigel to the dog park, working out. After that, it’s spent doing what I love — being outside, taking photos, hiking, editing videos, flying the drone, writing here, going for trail runs that double as my research for music I want to use for my next creation. I check in from time to time, but I’m mostly offline.
Taking breaks is critical. For one, we can’t live our lives through the lens of others all the time. Even if it’s filmed with an FPV drone. Experiencing the world is what fuels your creations, it allows you the space and time to get inspired, to make something that’s uniquely you. To create things that resonate with people, you need to get out there and feel things. And to be in this for the long haul, you have to love the process. And sometimes that involves disconnecting.
If you’re feeling particularly burnt out, just take a break from it all completely. Unless you’re creating content as part of your business, you’re probably doing it because you love it and it’s your creative outlet. The moment that creative process stops being fun and turns into a world of disappointment and pressure is the moment you should step back, take a break and think about why you started doing this in the first place. I’ve seen creators write captions that apologize for disappearing and I’ll be honest — 90% of the time, I didn’t even notice. It’ll all be here when you get back.
At the end of the day, creators are also consumers — looking at content to inspire us and to connect with like-minded individuals. But because we are human, social media can have this effect on our brains that makes us feel like sh*t during moments when we’re feeling vulnerable or particularly hard on ourselves.
I hope these ideas stick with you and help you maintain a healthy mindset: get on social media intentionally and do not mindlessly scroll. Follow accounts that truly make you feel good. And last but not least, take breaks to get inspired, spend time nurturing your offline relationships, and…you know…get outside! ;)
